I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
