I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
