he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize