in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
