Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize