You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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