I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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