Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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