just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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