we're blogging at a bar
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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