I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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