I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize