Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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