can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sober January is a disaster.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
