your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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