i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
