literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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