everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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