Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
