Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize