Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone says I win the strip club
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
