sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
