today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
