Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
