Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
