my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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