This is not my ceiling
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
