Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize