haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
two words: eviction party
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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