i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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