WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
