hotel room ftw
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i'm inner monologue high
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
