i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
