I don't think brook has ever known best
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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