Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
