hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
