Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize