I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
