i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
