put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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