The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
