Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
