Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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