I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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