We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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