I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she pinky promised me she was 18
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
