You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
