i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
