Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
