don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
