exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
