Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
