I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
