I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
