I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
