No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
