I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
