dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
