you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
