i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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