I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize