My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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