Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
