i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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