happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
