I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's shark week go big or go home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
