Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize