I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
