why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
