I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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