Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
